


Nicomaki crack fic

by SassyNorwegian



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-09
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-04-13 19:42:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4534887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SassyNorwegian/pseuds/SassyNorwegian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nico is in her new house and some random shit happens</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

{{Nicomaki}}  
Nico sat on her couch, shoving some breadsticks in her mouth. God damn what happened last night, all I can remember is that I made some memes and ranted on tumblr, she said to herself. After shoving 45 breadsticks in her mouth, she stood up and scooted over to the kitchen of her new house that's she bought last week. She grabbed a wine glass and poured some red juice in it that looked like wine, casually pretending to drink wine. She walked back and put the glass down on the table, faceplanting down in the couch. After laying like that for a while, she heard something making a noise upstairs in her room, Nico quickly hide under her blanket. "WHOS THERE" she yelled in fear. She heard a person walk down the stairs, making some tired noises. "Nico what the fuck are you doing you fucking imp." Maki said as she stood there at the end of the stairway. "Oh." Nico slowly stood up, staring at Maki with a weird expression on her face. "How the fuck did you get in here?" She said, waiting for Maki to answer. Maki crossed her arms. "You invited me over you stupid shit, wow you really are stupid to forget that." She hissed, looking away. "It's not like I wanted to come here anyway Jesus Christ" she added. "What the hell happened last night?" Nico mumbled, suddenly Nozomi appeared behind the TV, slowly approaching them. "You guys did a lot of things." She said and grabbed her camera, slowly walking out of the house. "WHAT THE FUCK, GET BACK IN HERE YOU PIECE OF PARFAIT GAY SHIT!" Both of them yelled in anger. "It's true tho.. We did do a lot of things- Its not like i wanted to do any of those things." Maki said and twirled with her hair. Nico facepalmed. "You redheaded, piano tsundere lesbian better fucking tell me what happened or I'll Nico Nico nii your family." She said in anger, throwing pocky at Maki, which didn't say anything. Nico growled in anger and hit her self in the chest like a monkey before whining in pain. "owwwfuckmyboobs." She whined louder and lay'd down on the floor in pain. Maki just walked past her and grabbed her purse which was full of pepe's and breadsticks. "Well I'm off to bomb China, see ya later imp." Maki mumbled, as Nico said "impy impy imp." In pain.

When Maki had left, Eli appeared from the same place where Nozomi had been. "Khorosho." She said and grabbed Nico, dragging her out of her own house. "I'm sorry Nico but this house is now mine." She said, and Nico didn't say a word. "but it's my house--" she said low, before the door was slapped in her face. After laying there for 4 hours, she looked in the window, looking at Eli which was watching Nozoeli porn. Eli noticed her and shot her in the face with a bazooka, which Putin gave to her. Putin was sitting right next to her with popcorn. "Khorosho" he said and Eli said it right after him.

Rip Nico


	2. After bombing China

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POOR NICO HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED BY NOZOMI

"NICO NICO NII DONt kILL ME" Nico screamed in pain as she was taped to the wall in Nozomi's room, with ducktape. "Shh child it won't hurt, I'm just going to summon satan." She hissed, drawing an triangle in her forehead then mumbling something that sounded like a gay person trying to summon a other gay person. Suddenly Eli entered the room, staring at Nozomi. "Nozomi-- what the actual fuck are you doing, I thought we were going to watch porn but instead you come here to summon satan? How could you." She said low, slapping Nozomi then running out of the room. "I love it when she gets angry." She said and made her parfait face. After waiting for 69 hours, Maki entered the room. "You called?" She said bc like you know she has red hair so she's probably Satan's agent or something idk don't question me. Nozomi ripped Nico off the wall and threw her at Maki which walked away, probably to her house. Nico was sleeping tho so she didn't know anything. As they entered hell, Maki woke her up and said. "Welcome home imp, I just bombed China and I had to go to hell. So I brought you with me bc like I could get hungry-- I mean it's not like I wanted to bring you or anything, Kotori aka satan forced me." She said. "Shut the fuck up you angry tsundere piano playing gay shit." Kotori said with her very light voice, throwing birds at Umi which was trying to hug her. "Nico is all mine now." She said and all the Nicotori shippers screamed happily bc every person in hell ships them lmao.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont even


	3. UMI NOO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS FINALLY HERE

"Time to get this shit started" Kotori screeched and took out her drugs from Umi's bra, she grabbed Nico and walked into her bedroom with Umi in a chain following her. She then drugged her down, chaining her to the bed. "get rdy scrub." Kotori then fucked Nico senseless, and everytime Kotori touched Nico in a new place it was like another fucking arrow into Umi's heart. ''Anemone heart, my lonely kinky heart'' the horny Umi whispered, a single tear falling down her cheek. After Kotori was done, she walked away and Nico was free to go. She was crying. //smh// Umi stared at her before screeching like a goose. "Nico you fucking shit you fucked my bitch now I'm sad.. and horny." Nico just shaked her head like the fucking smol bitch she is. "you know, Kotori never loved you." She then died of being 'too horny' ((don't fucking question me kys)) after walking in hell for some hours, Nico found Maki and Maki waved and said "Heyo imp" Nico stared her and slapped her across the face like a little bitch, Maki laughed like the little machochist she is. Nico took out her whip and smirked "Hatesex....now" Then Nico and Maki had very hot Hatesex for countless of hours ((I wish I could write some hot Hatesex for you but nah smh))

\-------------------------------------

Meanwhile in heaven, Rin and Hanayo were drinking some coffee at Starbucks while watching the entire thing on Pornhub((bc everyone knows they filmed it and put it under the category "intense porn")) "Can you belienya this, kayochin?" Rin said and looked over at her bestfriend, but Hanayo didn't answer. After a while she finally said something. "Ay Rin we rly need to save Nico tho I mean like she's not supposed to be in hell.. nor heaven but like u kno." she said and leaned forwards closer to Rin. "And the only thing I can't believe is that you know what pornhub is and has actually been to that site before like jfc just fuck me already." She added then walked away. "Nya.." She said and closed the computer, following her.

\--------———---------------------

"Ey Elichi, wanna Netflix and chill?" Nozomi said and winked at her but Eli just shaked her head. "Nah Nozomi I have work to do.. I have to kidnap the president and feed him to Putin so he won't kill me.. I mean uhh, I have to work late today." She said quickly and closed the door. And then Nozomi masturbated till Eli came home.  
((Btw Honoka is in jail for illegal honking so yeah bye))

**Author's Note:**

> I dont even know anymore


End file.
